8. What happened?

he didn't come w/ us at the beach..when we had our practice, he was late..i wore white while his was gray..during sunday, i wore brown and his was ?..can't even remember..then now wednesday,,prayer meeting i was supposed to wear blue but changed my mind and wore fuchsia instead..when we arrived at the church, he was wearing blue...we were supposed to be match but my mind changed immediately..what is actually happening?..can't understand..he was thinking all along that i never would want talking with him anymore, but God you know it's not true..if he likes talking to me, the feeling is mutual or even doubled..you know that..my actions could never lie..i always want talking w/ him..but now i dunno..few days ago, it was seemed to be easy but now it's harder than i thought.. he's so close and yet so far..so close to touching but so far to feeling..how come i can't leave thoughts of us..thoughts of him?..how come in all these years, we never talked, we never been lovers anymore but how come i always feel of belonging to him..what have he fed me?..i feel i'm a property of him without his knowledge..

Ah! i think i could explain now..i'm a very much devoted Christian..i always have faith to the Lord and i'll die with this faith i have now..my prayer for my God's will is someone whom i could serve the Lord with..someone who will never question my faith, why i have to be in church during wednesdays, saturdays, sundays both morning and in the evening..as of now..he's the only guy that fits that qualification... "xhueetie" of course is a NO NO because he's Islam.. "loves" is a Catholic and i remembered before we were having fights because of the time i spent at church..we fight a lot..and they were big fights.. with Kenn, he plays at church, but i find him a very close friend instead of a boyfriend..i think bulldog is the only guy who made me feel comfortable in my faith and serving the Lord with.. he never questioned me, because we had same faith..but if it's wrong, Lord pls. show me signs as early as now..or let me forget about these feelings..sorry for my silliness..

Lord answer y prayers..be the best than i can be..for Your glory...can i make a poem now?..let me try...Amen Lord..

So close and yet so far

You were someone close to me before
But now all has changed and you've closed your door.
All these years that passed you've remained special for me.
I think I'm special for you too, but only in my fantasy.

We found ways to flee from each other

Took different roads just to make things better

We never heard of our deeds anymore

And thought that it was the end of this so called endeavor

But now it seemed we have to start a new beginning

I’m back to the place that we are both sharing

How hard I try not to consume spaces of you

But it didn’t help because I am required to do

We even had some silly coincident

Wearing same color of t-shirts, oh! Let me say accident

You might think I planned every single day it happened

I would just say a big NO, I never intended

You became light and smooth lately

And makes me wonder if it’s reality

You even greeted me goodbye, oh what a surprised!

That reached for a whole long week for me to realize

That night I haven’t given an answer

Pity me, I was in shocked, would that matter?

From that day on, you thought I was proud and unentertaining

But to tell you the truth, that night gave me a new meaning

Now, I regret of not responding to your goodbye

I always wanted that to happen even for just a try

You’re back to your old, boring look today

Was that my fault? That I had nothing to say?

I see you around, here there and everywhere

You pass my way like a total stranger

I look at you not looking at me

Give me a short glimpse, when will that be?

You’re so close to touch

But so far to feel, ouch!

Or should I say, so close and yet so far

To have you back is what I’ll wish on a shooting star

7. Happy, tired..then sad.. X_X

Whew! So happy the Gideon's fellowship last night was a success..a number of participants came and they were all happy. Enjoy the whole activity and the presence of the Lord. Everything went well with our Praise and Worship.. :) I was excited to see our color code.. He wore a Blue t Shirt and mine was white paired w/ my blue skirt.[that was also the same pair we had the last time i led the P&W.] When he came, i accidentally looked his way,and saw him looking but eventually retrieve his look..I don't know if I'm right but i seem to feel his look on me. He even also got interesting playing w/ the baby i played to last night.I think he's a good Dad (XD) During the activity, me and Bubu had some small talks..such as Em2x, his not-responded-goodbye and etc..i also remembered i think i noticed Kent looking at me while they were talking and i think i heard some words such as, "huh"? tlg?.."oo, mtagal na tlg msydo"..i think they're prefering to our past..but maybe i was wrong.. When me and kuya Kem went out, i passed by so close to him..i wonder when will i ever get a hold on him..even just a friendly touch..

So early this morning, i was quite excited to see if he's coming but he didn't, THen i was happy to find out he doesn't have a phone now too ^_^ ahahaha..means if he has a GF, then surely they don't communicate well..Oh! before i forgot, i remember Bubu said that he's change now because he decided to talking and making friends with his ex's,, lucky me,,

I've learn a lot of him today..like..the teasing incident..He thought i was the one Bebeth teased the last time w/ the "pahiya"..then..he found out about the last time the pips are teasing me and pushing me to back him up w/ his song reaching for you..and he said,"tlg?"...then I've learned he thought i don't wanna talk w/ him anymore just because i never had the chance to respond. I regret the night it happend. I wish i was fast to say goodbye too. So now i'm decided to look at him but sad to say they came late. Then Kuya wasvery tired so he decided for us to leave sooner than them..I wore white and him Gray..is that close enough? X_X I haven't even got a glimpse of him today..Sad X_X

But anyway,,Thank God for the activity's success..Everyone happy, and overly filled w/ the presence of the Lord and Gideon's love. I pray everyone had a nice trip same as us went we arrived here in our city proper. I really feel my body aching.. X_X but happy I'm quite learning w/ my swimming. Glory to God.

Pls. wake me up early and ease the pain. Give us goodnight sleep.. Amen.Let him dream of me..and vice versa :D

6. Red is love..

Today is Thursday..me and ya kem went to the church in part of our preparation for tomorrow's activity..the Gideon's fellowship..i wore my red shirt..while his was a blue one..w/ red sleeveS ! XD
always brings a smile to my pface..he's so close yet so far..wonder when i would be able to touch him..He's so visible but am so blind for him..hay..love love love..

do i love him that much?..or do i love him so much?..only the future could simply tell..

Thank God for the practice..the preparation..bless the activity..the participants..meet their needs and guide them as they travel.. bless the service..bless everyone..let your presence move your people..i wish to come w/ them on Saturday at the beach too..hope so! :)

i wish to talk to him..i wish he'd look my way..there's no harm in wishing ^_^

Thank You Lord..:) mwahuGS! Thanks for your love..and your faithfulness.!

5. Green pasture..

Today is Wednesday, Nov. 19 2008..Me and kuya went to the church for our prayer meeting service..I was excited to come because we finally made a draft of Gel's bday invitation,, Then when i open my cabinet to choose for something to wear, immediately i picked on the green PCLC t shirt..apple green!..without any doubt or any plan to be match w/ *his* t shirt color..

When we arrived at Pansacala St., me and kuya noticed 2 familiar silhouettes from afar when i realized it was Bubu and *him*..when we got closer i realized he was wearing green!!! same as me!! whoah!? another coincident! I'm so used to it now :( ahaha..

when we entered the church..there's nothing for him and I to do but get close with our common friends of course..pity me because i never had the chance to observe him in relation with my last research of how to know if a person likes you..i can't even look at him.. has he looked at me today?..i dunno..pity me..i regret of never trying to give a glimpse at him..but then..having same color of t shirt again..ahahah funny!

Thank God for today..for the answers to our prayer requests to come..we love you and acknowledge you as our Lord and Savior.. show me signs am desiring to see..Grant our desires especially the job Lord..Amen..give us goodnight sleep too.:)

4. MuSic fROm the heart..

6:25 pm when i told kuya to have his dinner and prepare for our evening service.. we left the house @ 6:40.. Only me and ya kem went to church because ate did something..School stuffs..

When we arrived @ the church, just had some mini chitchats again. Glad to see Momi Sha w/ VOn fresh from davao too..then Fader told me to lead the service..the Song of PRaise.. so then and there did i start the service,,with songs "God is Awesome and My hearts desire" then had Fader to lead the opening prayer..

Since i was the emcee, traditionally i was to start the singing..before singing i testified of God's glorious love which me and Ya kem had experience today..so thankFuL for what He has done..So we decided to sing the newly learned song entitled " No OTher Name" (Mp3 below- pls wait,,the Player is loading..CLick play button if you wish to listen)

Truly the Name of the Lord is our refuge in times of trouble..and for that, His name is also worthy of every GLory, Honor, Power and PRaise! AmEn!

His name is exalted far above the earth
His name is high above the heavens
His name is exalted far above the earth
Give glory and honor and praises unto His name

Chorus:
No other name but the name of Jesus
No other name but the name of the Lord
No other name but the name of Jesus
He's worthy of glory, and worthy of honor and worthy of power and all praise...

..also ya kem gave testimony..with so much emotions..i just felt what wonderful life is..and how God loves me.. :( i burst out with tears..

kuya asked for volunteer then Ptr ROger did.. sung a song..then next..God had moved so much tonight.. fader sung Papang Wiwi's fave song.."draw me nearer" which made the Gepte sister's remembered of our dear father's case..they decided to sing " Be it Unto me" which touched everyone..remembering our dear Papang and Mamang..then so on..Ptr Bong sung a hymn and told us, the YP to learn also of hymnals..that had pushed Von to sing amazing grace on solo.. after that he passed the mic to the remaining guys..Then at my amazed..i called *him* and told him to join the others..again to my surprise he stood up and did what he was told..This is the song..(Mp3 below- pls wait,,the Player is loading..CLick play button if you wish to listen)



Keep Falling In Love

Verse 1:
I am found in Your embrace
Covered by Your love
You're my deepest dreams I know
Your long so strong Spirit come


Verse 2:
Lift me up to heaven's door
You restore my soul
I can't live without Your touch
I need You so much I need You more


PreChorus:
You're my rock and my Redeemer
The rock on which I stand
Yeh, Yeh


Chorus:
I keep falling in love with You Lord
Every beat of my heart
Breath that I take
Through the seasons that change
Your love remains my hiding place and my home
Falling in love (repeat)
Falling in love with You
Falling in love with You

..i can't look @ him directly but am so happy he manages to sing very good..and singing for the Lord is important..then after the song he said.."ngback up lng ako..my kanta tlg ako,,and title-Reaching for You"(Mp3 below- pls wait,,the Player is loading..CLick play button if you wish to listen)

as i listen to the lyrics..why would i always give meaning to every act he does?,,I'm sorry Lord but it did pass my mind that the song maybe goes to me..before the song started, our *friends* were already teasing in silence..sample:

VON: ahh wla pngduet yan bah..ate cathy duet
AngeL: hala ate twag ka nya..
Dorcas: ate duet kaU!
ME: without giving him a look..said.. "aYoKO nga*..wag na po*

HE sang the song.......i love the way he did..singing..from the heart..for the Lord ^_^
then after it he gave me a look because he was to ask what's next..eyes to eyes for about..10 seconds..better that just a glimpse!!!..

aHh! before i forget.. we wore again the same color of tshirt and blouse.. *PINK* lOl..

Lord thanks for the strength..give us goodnight peace and rest tonight..Show me more of YOu..u know our desires and what's best for us..pls grant us our prayers..be with us in everything we do..We love You and we Praise Your Holy name!..Heal our dear father Wiwi..Amen!!!

(i think i will not be able to sleep early tonight..i wonder if the feeling is mutual..ahahhaha)

3. A day of another blessed life..

Now is Nov. 16, 2008 Sunday..Just got home from Davao where me and Ya kem went to take our MeDco Act 4 peace exam.. We got drained from our exam..honestly speaking but we offered that to the Lord, we've done our part so the next thing would depend to Him..But still me and Kuya with all hope :)

Had fun last night, me, ya Kem, ya obin, jepoy and te phy went out to unwind.. We went to the mall and another bazaar.. We went to a cafe and try to check on our FS accounts but sad to say it was on maintenance yesterday..Luckily now Fs is back, only that some errors of our friend connections occured...After cafe we went to minute burger and had our midnight snacks.. :D i got footlong!!! :)
wE went home afterwards..safe and sound..covered by the glory of the LOrd..

we woke up late..7:30..then prepared ourselves for departure..we left the house @ 8:30 am and bade goodbye to everyone..TNx and Godbless that home..Love those people..

We arrive @ the terminal 9:30 but the van had just started of getting passengers..we then saw kuya jan2 who was working there as a driver aide on one of the vans.. it took more than an hour for the van to be fully loaded.. we left the place 10:50..on our way for Cotabato...
we're almost in the city,,,happy and gay,,,when suddenly an incident awaken me and Ya kem..
Our van tried overtaking a bus in an blind curve when suddenly we are about to bump into a fast and fury ambulance!!!,, The moment me and Ya kem saw it, there was not a single expression or word we said but to call on the Name of our Savior.. we uttered, "In Jesus Name!"..then we know God had hold over us..No acident happened..but we were in near shock..the only thing that got into me was, where would i be if i haven't called the Lord's name?..will i still be here?..making this blog?..Great is the Lord..He has purposes for me and Ya kem..we know God wants us to serve Him more giving glory and honor to His Holy Name.. it is truly great to know we can claim on his promises and call on His name! Great is the LORd!

We arrived 2:20 @ home, then kissed Papang, had a mini chitchat w/ him and uncle then had to left again to attend our inter ladies activity.. Kuya kem played the keyboard and i on organ..What a succes to our event!.. We felt tired but to see such women serving the Lord is a must follow walk of life..God bless everyone..

Though tired and sleepy, we manage to get home but decided to be back at our Song of Praise service..we had rest @ home.. and had fine talks w/ the family...

2. Thoughts of him..

Late night Nov. 12, i can't help myself but think of him. Wondering if his also into this same thing as i am. As i listen to my Imeem fave list, i heard this song, entitled COLLIDE.. Here is the lyrics and MP3. Play it if you wish to listen. (wait- the player is loading)

1. My First...

Actually this is my first for this new personalized blog of mine.

After my prayer last Wednesday, dated Nov. 05, 2008 - everything went out almost perfect.I agree it was my humblest and sincerest prayer i ever had because the answers were instant! Some of my prayers, i believed only God could answer them, but never did i imagined of having them granted immediately.. So here is a list of them..

1. God use me as an effective worship leader for my Sunday slot.
2. If a part of my ineffective ministry is because of *him*..then let him and i patch things up..so i would know..
3. Job application development.
4. Good health for me and my loved ones.
5. God's will for me and my siblings.

So what happened next?..i brought these matters to the Lord..with a humble heart. Like a little child telling stories and asking favors to a beloved father. With a positive outlook of receiving them as soon as the father finds good timing of giving it.

After the service,I stayed outside the church as i waved goodbye to my friends and church mates (their actually *his* family).. A few minutes later, he and a friend of ours went out. The friend uttered, "Bye ate Cathy" and i responded.. "babye". To my surprise, *he* said "Bye Cath", and of great surprise and amazement never did i said a thing but just whispered - OMG! OMG! OMG! (Oh My God). Am i dreaming? or an answered prayer before me?,,They looked back at me and i believe so i was in shocked. Our friend teased him " AH waLa, hindi pnansin"..then *he* said-looking at me, "Buti pa ang iba tao, pnapansin mO, aKo-.... with words i hear no more because of the distance from me to him..I got inside still in doubt, if i was just dreaming or am i really awake?

When i got home, i hardly even had sleep that night till Saturday came..so fast.. i was looking forward to seeing him but his sister said he can't be with us because he's not feeling well. I cared for him in a way am not to show.. so i just said "oo aLam ko bsta ako mgLEad my SaKit tlg sya".. I intend it to be a joke but got guilty yesterday on when i found out from his mom that it was actually true.

So going back to the morning service. I saw him, but me on the Altar with a ready heart, I asked God to be with me as i lead the praises. I never felt that ready and bless, anointed. So i felt God's moving. As i look in him, i just can't understand how i feel. He wore BLUE Tshirt that time while mine was white blouse and neck tie paired with my BLUE long sKirt.. Always gives me a meaning with our outfit coincidences. I remembered way back. A week of wearing same colors of Uppers for almost every service we had. These are the coincidences which i had given malice to.

Oct. 25, Practice - Blue
Oct. 26, Church - Green
Oct. 28, Harana - Blue
Oct. 28,(Ptr. Bong's Bday) - Semi Green
Oct. 29, Wed - Blue
Nov. 01, Practice - Fuchsia w/ his sisters
Nov. 02, Church - Pink
Nov. 09, Church - Blue - My skirt
What coincidences right?

So last Nov. 09, me and kUya Kem submitted our applications via Ate PHy to be handed to the Medco office through kuya Obin. The application was dated Nov. 10.. An answered prayer yesterday, Nov. 11 me and Kuya received confirmation from the office and informed us for our job exam dated Nov. 15, 2008 Saturday @ 8-12 noon :)
He received a text message while i received a long distance phone call. PRaises be to God for His immediate response :)

Today, we attended our Prayer Meeting Service after our short bday dinner with LoLo NArds.

We presented to the congregation our prayer requests about our job application. Everyone was happy. Saw the blink from their hopeful eyes. Everyone desires the best for me and Kuya, surely. :) From that on, i was anticipating for mystery in his every move. I remembered before our quiet moments, i saw him going back to his place, him wearing his cap, i felt something. I may be called OA or exaggerated, but am so sure i felt a ray of his stare at me. But his cap hides his look. So i just wish my hopes are true. I even remembered his sweet sister's gesture. She came close to me and hugged me. Asking " Ate Cath iwan mo na kami"? i answered back, "OO" :( Then again she asked, " Iwan mo na c Kuya? " then immediately i answered , "Dba sya man nauna ng-iwan?" with a smile on our faces.

The prayers were offered then, me and kuya with an empty heart and a vocal acknowledgement to the Lord as the provider of our every needs. I received blessings from ate Imah( P100.00) God Bless her. Then i received a look from him.. (God Bless him too..ahaha)

I have always desired the best for him. The Lord knows it. He was never out of my prayers. Whether it's me or not he would be with in the future, i wanted the best for him. In every aspect of his life. Family, school and eventually work, spiritual life and even when it makes me teary thinking of his and my future love life- i will always pray the best for him..

Lord God, let everything take place accordingly to Your plans. Me and Kuya Kem really desire for these jobs. Let us help in providing for ourselves, for our family and for our church *financially* Thanks, Glory and honor to You alone.

Blessed be Your Holy Name...Amen..