8. What happened?

he didn't come w/ us at the beach..when we had our practice, he was late..i wore white while his was gray..during sunday, i wore brown and his was ?..can't even remember..then now wednesday,,prayer meeting i was supposed to wear blue but changed my mind and wore fuchsia instead..when we arrived at the church, he was wearing blue...we were supposed to be match but my mind changed immediately..what is actually happening?..can't understand..he was thinking all along that i never would want talking with him anymore, but God you know it's not true..if he likes talking to me, the feeling is mutual or even doubled..you know that..my actions could never lie..i always want talking w/ him..but now i dunno..few days ago, it was seemed to be easy but now it's harder than i thought.. he's so close and yet so far..so close to touching but so far to feeling..how come i can't leave thoughts of us..thoughts of him?..how come in all these years, we never talked, we never been lovers anymore but how come i always feel of belonging to him..what have he fed me?..i feel i'm a property of him without his knowledge..

Ah! i think i could explain now..i'm a very much devoted Christian..i always have faith to the Lord and i'll die with this faith i have now..my prayer for my God's will is someone whom i could serve the Lord with..someone who will never question my faith, why i have to be in church during wednesdays, saturdays, sundays both morning and in the evening..as of now..he's the only guy that fits that qualification... "xhueetie" of course is a NO NO because he's Islam.. "loves" is a Catholic and i remembered before we were having fights because of the time i spent at church..we fight a lot..and they were big fights.. with Kenn, he plays at church, but i find him a very close friend instead of a boyfriend..i think bulldog is the only guy who made me feel comfortable in my faith and serving the Lord with.. he never questioned me, because we had same faith..but if it's wrong, Lord pls. show me signs as early as now..or let me forget about these feelings..sorry for my silliness..

Lord answer y prayers..be the best than i can be..for Your glory...can i make a poem now?..let me try...Amen Lord..

So close and yet so far

You were someone close to me before
But now all has changed and you've closed your door.
All these years that passed you've remained special for me.
I think I'm special for you too, but only in my fantasy.

We found ways to flee from each other

Took different roads just to make things better

We never heard of our deeds anymore

And thought that it was the end of this so called endeavor

But now it seemed we have to start a new beginning

I’m back to the place that we are both sharing

How hard I try not to consume spaces of you

But it didn’t help because I am required to do

We even had some silly coincident

Wearing same color of t-shirts, oh! Let me say accident

You might think I planned every single day it happened

I would just say a big NO, I never intended

You became light and smooth lately

And makes me wonder if it’s reality

You even greeted me goodbye, oh what a surprised!

That reached for a whole long week for me to realize

That night I haven’t given an answer

Pity me, I was in shocked, would that matter?

From that day on, you thought I was proud and unentertaining

But to tell you the truth, that night gave me a new meaning

Now, I regret of not responding to your goodbye

I always wanted that to happen even for just a try

You’re back to your old, boring look today

Was that my fault? That I had nothing to say?

I see you around, here there and everywhere

You pass my way like a total stranger

I look at you not looking at me

Give me a short glimpse, when will that be?

You’re so close to touch

But so far to feel, ouch!

Or should I say, so close and yet so far

To have you back is what I’ll wish on a shooting star